


Underwater

by phenomanon



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Lemon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:34:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23729875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phenomanon/pseuds/phenomanon
Summary: What does it feel like to be underwater? Greg needs a change in his life after the lab explosion, and Nick has to figure out how he fits into it. (Based on the song 'Underwater' by Gabriel & Dresden)
Relationships: Greg Sanders & Nick Stokes, Greg Sanders/Nick Stokes
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

_**[Gabriel & Dresden feat. Jan Burton - Underwater](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FepxHhPNCDs) ** _

———

_I feel like I'm underwater_

_More and more each day_

_I feel like I'm trying harder_

_But still can't find a way_

_And in these dim lit moments, we won't take for granted_

_Remember everything and breathe_

_———_

"Did I hear you correctly, Greg?"

"Yes sir—Grissom. I'd like to request a leave of absence."

In a rare show of solidarity, Grissom lowered his glasses to look at the form Greg had handed him.

"If you think it's for the best. I hope you'll consider coming back."

"Thank you."

———

Greg was clearing out his locker quietly, hoping to disappear before anyone realized what was happening.

He figured nobody would really miss him anyways. Sure, the team liked picking on Greg or trying to make their case on why he should process their evidence first, but he couldn't say that he was really close to anyone in particular. They all saw him as a pesky kid brother; loved but not respected.

"You goin' home?"

Greg's head jerked up like he was doing something wrong when he heard the intrusion echoing from the door. Nick had entered the locker room just in time to see Greg cleaning, and suddenly he was very nervous.

"Yeah."

"Need a lift?"

"I drove."

He was suspicious at why Nick would offer him a ride, but decided that it was probably just a passing suggestion. Greg and Nick were amicable with one another, but they weren't quite friends either.

"Cool. Well uh, see you later?"

Greg was surprised by the hint of question in Nick's voice. Did he know?

No, it wasn't possible because Grissom was the only one that knew, and Grissom didn't divulge secrets. Not that this was supposed to be a secret, but Greg was pretty sure Grissom understood the discretion in his voice.

"See you later."

Nick flashed a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes as he shut the locker door. He weakly lifted his hands to wave, which sent a coldness through Greg's body.

If he ran into Nick somewhere, even though they never visited the same haunts, Greg thought he'd tell him the truth then. 

———

At first, Greg just wanted to take a week or two off work to think over things. Grissom had been kind enough to offer two weeks of paid leave since it was a work-related accident, and it was nice having some time to himself. A moment to piece his fragile mind back together, to figure out exactly what he wanted to do with his life. But the more time that passed, Greg realized that the answer was still miles away. The temporary leave became a more permanent one as Greg tried to set a routine with himself. Wake up, coffee, work on his novel, take his medication, and lull himself back to sleep. It wasn't the most ideal itinerary, but it was all his brain could manage.

Then, Greg noticed something interesting while job hunting. An opening for an interim associate professor position at UNLV's science department. Admittedly teaching wasn't his first profession of choice, but he liked presenting things to people and figured he might as well put his PhD to use. 

Without realizing it, his hands began typing away madly on his computer and soon enough, he had conjured up a pretty snazzy resume. The next part was probably the hardest though, asking Grissom for a recommendation—and letting him know that he wasn't coming back. He also wondered what his former coworkers would say, or if they had even noticed he was gone. As if by kismet, he received a text from Nick at that exact moment. 

' _Hey man, how you been? '_

Greg wasn't sure how to respond to that.

He'd been "fine" in the loosest sense of the word; managing, staying afloat, surviving. Not quite living but not exactly dead either. Before he could respond, another text lit up his screen.

' _Doing anything later? Was seeing if you wanted to hang out._ '

Though Greg's initial reaction was to tell Nick no, he convinced himself that a relax session was needed after what would be a difficult conversation with Grissom. It'd be awkward getting Nick up to speed with everything that was going on in Greg's life, but at this point he had nothing to lose and a friend that was willing to lend an ear.

' _sure that'd b great. free round 7ish?_ '

Greg couldn't help but blush a little at Nick's quick responses. It seemed like he was on Nick's mind randomly, at least for the time being. Or maybe it was because Greg had rudely vanished from the Las Vegas Crime Lab without so much as an explanation or a goodbye.

' _It's a date. Pizza and beer ok?_ '

His heart fluttered a little too foolishly at Nick's text. Back then, Greg would have given anything to get a possible date innuendo from Nick, but now he was so unsure of himself and where he was going that the last thing he needed was confusing boundaries. Surely Nick didn't mean anything by his message other than a confirmation of their hang out, but Greg still hoped for something more that wasn't really there.

' _perfect_ '

And it really was.

———

"Nice to see you man." 

Nick lifted a twelve pack of beer into the air to christen their reunion.

"Nice to see you too, Nick."

After he swung the door open, Greg led the way to his living room and patted the sectional to show Nick how comfortable it was. Nick's lips twisted into a smirk as he set down the piping box of pizza on the kitchen island. Greg had to admit that it smelled heavenly, even though he ate pizza nearly every other day since he'd taken a leave of absence. But with Nick there, everything seemed bigger and better somehow.

"Seriously. Missed ya at the lab."

"Sorry I didn't tell you...or anyone."

"It's all right, I get it. I felt the same way after...well, _you know_."

"Yeah."

Greg collected some glassware from his cabinets as he shamefully hid the stack of paper plates he'd actually been using. He performed an emergency clean up of his apartment after the news that Nick was coming over, and it took him almost the full four hours to get everything to look copesthetic. Greg had also rushed to shower and haphazardly shave his two week stubble so Nick didn't think he was a hot mess. Not that it really mattered though, as the shadows under Greg's eyes gave it away anyways.

"So what's new?"

"I uh, applied for a position at UNLV. As a professor—well, sort of. Temporary associate professor."

"Oh. That's good."

There was undoubtedly sadness in Nick's voice, though Greg couldn't prove it.

"Just needed a change of scenery, you know? It's a temporary position so it'll keep me busy until I figure out what I wanna do with my life."

"Yeah man, I hear ya."

"My bad, Nick. Didn't mean to throw that all at you."

"No no, I'm glad you told me. I'm just processing it all."

"Maybe if I get the job, you can visit and make me look good in front of all the students. I don't know how they're going to deal with a professor that looks like he could be one of them."

Nick smiled at Greg's attempt at humor, unable to tell the other man how much Nick missed his lighthearted jokes.

"Deal. And at least you'll be surrounded by people your own age instead of the old folks home back at the lab." 

Greg laughed as he handed Nick a plate, relishing in his company as he had not seen another human being in two weeks.

"Lucky me."

"Glass plates for pizza, huh? Fancy."

"Only 'cause you're here. I make everyone else eat off the floor."

Nick stopped biting into a piece of pizza to decipher if Greg was being serious or not. Greg quickly rolled his eyes, letting Nick know he was ridiculous.

"Proud of you, G. Think you'd make a great teacher. I'll miss you at the lab though."

There was something really serious in Nick's tone, though his reply was playful in nature. Greg felt a painful tugging in his heart at the implications. He wanted to reassure Nick and remind him the job was temporary, but Greg wasn't sure if that was actually true. Everything that happened in the past two weeks started out as temporary, but had soon evolved into a permanent situation before Greg even knew what was happening.

"That's why you have to visit me at UNLV."

Greg sat a little closer to Nick on the couch, which Nick didn't seem to mind. Their bodies weren't touching, but they might as well have been because both men could feel the electricity between them. It wasn't passionate, instead the feeling was warm and comforting like the roaring of a fireplace. 

To Greg's shock, Nick lifted his arm over Greg's shoulders and left it there. Though a minute friendly gesture, it felt intimate and personal to Greg. He looked up at Nick to see a similar kind of longing in his eyes, even if it never revealed itself to the surface. They both continued to eat their pizza in silence and pretend to watch whatever game was on the television. It was enough to be in each other's presence and share a meal, the food tasting like honey for the first time in a long while.

"Does that mean you're gonna wear a suit and tie?"

"Probably not, but I'll have to step it up a little bit from the lab. I know you'll miss all my cool shirts."

"I wouldn't mind seeing you in a sweater vest or somethin'. Gonna have to take a picture and post it all over the lab as payback for _CrimeStopper_."

He could swear Nick was flirting, but his tone was always so neutral that it never crossed that line. But Greg wished it would.

"You're cruisin' for a bruisin' Stokes!"

"Is that so?" Nick questioned, puffing up his chest playfully as he turned to Greg.

Greg immediately blushed from Nick's skin brushing up against his for a second, and he had to bite his lip to stop himself from doing something stupid.

"What are you gonna do about it, tough guy?" Greg decided to tease back and tease harder.

Nick smirked and took another bite of his pizza, never losing contact with Greg's eyes. After swallowing a big lump of bread, Nick picked up one of Greg's hands and kissed the back of his palm. A surge of heat enflamed Greg's entire body and he didn't know if he was in a fever dream or reality. 

"Nothing." 

Greg had so many questions. Was that a platonic kiss? It was only on the back of his hand, not his lips, so it most likely meant nothing. Maybe this was just how they did things back in Texas.

He did the only thing he could do in that moment, which was to lift Nick's hand and return the smooch. This caused Nick to cup Greg's face with his other hand and finally close the distance between them. The kiss was over before it even began, but both men swore they'd never felt something so intense in their entire lives. Greg immediately molded his body into the shape of Nick, fitting himself tightly up against Nick's chest to get as close to him as possible. He could feel Nick's low chuckling through vibrations coming from his throat, and Greg closed his eyes to revel in the comfort of the bigger man.

"This is exactly what I needed."

"Me too."

Nick took the initiative and placed another kiss on Greg's forehead this time, making the blonde purr affectionately.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does it feel like to be underwater? Greg needs a change in his life after the lab explosion, and Nick has to figure out how he fits into it. (Based on the song 'Underwater' by Gabriel & Dresden)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Lemon vibes in this chapter towards the end.

Greg found that he enjoyed being a professor at UNLV.  The campus was disorienting at first, but the more Greg put himself out there, the more comfortable he felt in his position. 

“Our first lab practical will be next week, so study the diagrams we went over today and chapters one through six.  Thanks everyone.”

“And the memes are for?”

“Those are just for fun. _You're welcome_...” Greg glanced at his attendance sheet. “...Zachary.”

The student who was holding Greg's syllabus in the air put his hand back down.  As the class began to clear out, Greg took the opportunity to check his cellphone.

‘ _Here_ ‘

He had to hide the huge smile that threatened to make itself known. 

After running halfway across campus and practically tripping over the botany department's first quarter projects, Greg finally reached one of the cafeterias in a daze. Since he was only an interim associate professor, Greg wasn’t given his own office yet. To be fair, at least there was a great consolation prize waiting for him at the end of the hall.

“Hey.”

Mindful as to not cross any boundaries in front of potential students, Nick slowly walked over to Greg and tugged on his I.D. badge.

“Where's my copy?”

“You want a copy of my I.D.?”

“Just the picture on it. By the way, hope breakfast for lunch is okay. It was the closest thing to you.”

“That works.” Greg replied with a smile, taking the bag from Nick's hands to inspect it. The smell of hot food mixed with Nick's cologne had Greg reeling from sensory overload.

They were seated in a secluded part of the cafeteria, chatting about banalities and how Greg was liking his new job. It was a lot easier for both men to talk to each other now that they didn't work together, and though their schedules were day and night, Nick still made the time to swing by after his shift to make sure Greg was fitting in okay. Greg appreciated the gesture, though he'd probably never mention it to Nick.

“It's not the same, you know.”

“You mean things are taking forever to process?”

Nick bit into his omelette with a little bit of hostility as he shot Greg unamused eyes.

“That's not what I meant. It's just...different. No music, no flashy presentations, no sunshine.”

Greg acted against his own discretion and reached across the table to squeeze Nick's hand.

“It'll get better. Everything new is always weird at first.”

“This wasn't.” Nick whispered, letting a finger float between them to illustrate his point.

His carefree action brought a big smile to Greg's otherwise deadpan expression.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You know, I'm really glad we hung out that one day.”

“Me too.”

“So...this might be out of left field, but do you have any interest in going to Catherine's next Friday?”

“Catherine's?”

“She invited some people over for dinner, and I was seeing if you wanted to go together. The city gave her some time off.”

Never in a million years did Greg expect to be invited to a shindig where they would have to show up together—but he wasn't complaining.

“Uh you sure she's okay with that?”

“She's the one that asked about you.”

Thinking about Catherine brought back unwanted feelings Greg had tried to lock away, but he knew that he had to move on from all of this some day. He'd forgiven her for the incident and didn't hold grudges, but he also wasn't ready to take a walk down memory lane. With all that in mind, Greg understood that having a boyfriend meant compromising on things like being someone's dinner date, not that they had discussed what they were to each other yet.

“You mean as a plus one, right?”

Greg looked hopefully at Nick.

“Of course.”

Nick accentuated his point by lifting a fork to Greg's mouth, something completely out of character for the Texan. Even though he'd come from a big family where sharing food and PDA was the norm, he wasn't particularly a fan. He just wanted to make sure Greg understood Nick's intentions. The discomfort on Nick's face made Greg laugh and accept the food affectionately.

“She knows?”

“Not exactly, but she will.”

“And you're okay with that?”

“Why wouldn't I be?”

He swallowed the bite of eggs and tossed Nick a lazy smile.

“No reason. I'll print you out a copy of my photo later, wallet size.”

“Good.”

———

Greg was nervous again for the first time in ages.

In fact, he wasn't even this anxious for his first day of work at the university. There had already been about ten outfits Greg cycled through because he wanted to appear mature but still look like the old “fun" Greg. Nick was picking him up in a few minutes and Greg was nowhere near ready.

A shirtless, disgruntled Greg ran back out to the living room to check on the flowers he had bought for Catherine. He didn’t know what people typically brought to dinner parties, but he learned from a young age that you were never supposed to show up empty-handed. Greg's mom was a psychologist from California, so he was pretty accustomed to high maintenance women with unrelenting standards. In the end Greg settled on a bouquet of pale pink dahlias, mostly because they were the featured flowers at the local grocery store near UNLV.

To Greg's dismay, there was a loud knocking at the front door. Nick wasn't supposed to arrive for at least another half hour, but leave it to the Southern gentlemen to be an annoying early bird. He messily set down the flowers on the table and dashed to the bedroom for a shirt. Wearing a graphic tee backwards in haste, he was breathless to see Nick in a nice fitted shirt and pair of chinos. It was supposed to be a relaxed look, but Nick's chiseled features always had a way of making things look extra proper.

“Hey you.” The older man teased, dragging Greg into his arms for a highly anticipated kiss.

“Wow. You look great.”

“This old thing?”

“Old thing, huh?” Greg teased, poking at the crispness of Nick's pants which spoke volumes. Either it was brand new or Nick took really good care of his clothes.

“Ready?”

“Almost. Can't figure out what to wear seeing you all dressed up.”

“This isn't dressed up.”

“If you say so.”

Nick spotted the flowers on top of Greg's table and lifted them to his nose, scrunching when he smelled notes of nothing.

“These flowers don't smell like anything, G.”

“They're not supposed to. Dahlias are basically scent-free so that it doesn't overpower the food. Umm...My mom was really into flowers.”

He raised his eyebrows at Greg and looked towards the blonde with refined appreciation. Eventually Greg settled on a dark pair of slacks and a long sleeve shirt. Nick seemed to approve of the outfit as he pulled Greg in for another kiss.

“Nick! If you keep doing that, we'll never leave.”

“I’m okay with that. I can’t help it my man looks sexy.”

Greg seriously considered it for a second before pointing at the flowers.

“Can't waste a good bouquet, let's get crackin’.”

”Okay.” Nick said with a fake frown, pulling Greg up from his sitting position on the couch.

———

”Nick, Greg!”

Greg's anxiety was at an all time high seeing Catherine in her lovely red dress. She looked intimidating as ever, casual but fiery, just like her personality. He was relieved when he didn't sense any animosity between them.

”Hey Catherine.” Greg managed to say, carefully handing her the delicate bouquet of dahlias.

She lit up at the sight of them and accepted the flowers with grace.

”Thanks. It's nice to see you again, Greg.”

They walked inside to see an ornately dressed dinner table complete with fancy glassware, aesthetic appetizers, and a vase filled with various flowers as the centerpiece. Greg was also surprisingly pleased to see the familiar faces of Warrick, David P., Jim Brass, and Sara.

Before he could say anything, Sara ran up to Greg and slapped him on the shoulder. She was the only one at the dinner party wearing jeans, which was a classic Sara move...or mistake.

”What’s up, stranger? _Am I glad you're here_ , finally have someone to talk to.”

Greg rolled his eyes at Sara being Sara and followed her to the kitchen for some much needed liquid courage.

”How you doin' Sanders?”

The two outcasts were interrupted by Warrick who popped his head into the kitchen. He had a genuine smile across his face and Greg lifted his glass in acknowledgement.

”Good to see you, Warrick.”

”We miss you at the lab, man.”

”Thanks.”

”So ah, you and Nick huh? You guys look good together.”

Now it was time for Greg to blush and choke on his wine. Warrick laughed at the response and returned to the dining room to join everyone else.

”About that, is it true?” Sara whispered, nudging Greg suggestively.

”What if it is?”

”Good for you both. You deserve to have a life, Greg.”

”Hey, you two joining us for dinner or what?” Catherine shouted, eyeing the two suspiciously in the kitchen.

Nick was standing behind her with a mischievous smile as he opened his hand for Greg. Looking back at Sara with a bewildered expression, Greg locked his fingers with Nick and started to follow the party out of the kitchen. Realizing she wouldn't get a real chance to catch up with Greg, Sara finally conceded to the dining room as well.

———

Once dinner finished, the guests had all dispersed into different parts of the house while Catherine and Greg sat in the hallway between her bedroom and the bathroom. They held half empty glasses of wine while having a very drunken heart to heart.

”Listen Greg—Again I'm sorry.”

”It was an accident.”

”I know, but still. Guess you could say I had all the time in the world to think about things on this mandatory unpaid leave.”

”Oh. Sorry Cath.”

”Don’t be. Also I hope you'll consider coming back...as a CSI.”

Greg took another sip of his wine instead of responding.

”Seriously though. We're always looking for promising CSI's and you'd definitely be at the top of the list. You've got my recommendation, and Nick's. Warrick too.”

He gave her a weak smile and downed the rest of his glass. 

”I'll think about it.”

”Great. Also, you and Nick?”

”Yeah?”

”Nice.”

She snickered as Greg finally relaxed and nudged her, almost knocking Catherine over in her tipsy state.

———

Somehow Nick and Greg had stumbled into a dark corner of Catherine's house, making out like a couple of blushing high schoolers.

Greg was pinned against the wall with Nick being a little more than amorous. 

”We should get out of here.”

”That's why I like you Greg, always thinkin’.”

Nick closed his statement with another kiss and pulled out his cellphone.

”And that's why I like you Nicky, you're always doing.”

The older man ordered an Uber in record timing and joined their faces together for another kiss.  Their bodies fell perfectly into one another, even if their movements were clunky and coarse. They were trying to stay under the radar but their movements were loud enough to attract a crowd. Luckily for them, everyone else was too drunk to catch onto what they were doing. Before the explosion, Nick would have never walked the line between being exposed and remaining professional, but after almost losing Greg, those preconceived notions seemed to fly right out the window.

Nick unwillingly peeled himself off of Greg when he felt a vibration in his pocket.

”Ride's here.”

Greg returned Nick's smirk and tilted his head towards the exit door.

———

Both men played a brief game of Jeopardy before figuring out who's place was closer to Catherine's—it was Nick's.

When Greg worked at the lab, he'd rarely visited Nick's house and had definitely never seen his bedroom. But here they were now, fumbling around Nick's room like they had done it a million times before. His bedroom was exactly as Greg would have expected it, a clean and simple layout mostly decorated in black and blue.  Everything was expertly organized; all things in Nick's realm had a place. Greg was about to make a biting remark until Nick threw him onto his Egyptian sheets which were softer than a bed of clouds. He also observed the little things like a pristine row  of baseball trophies lining Nick's bookshelf, presumably from his college glory days. Nick was an organized exhibitionist; simple but proud of his accomplishments. So it made sense there was a black workbench at the end of his bed where Nick would methodically put on his shoes before he left for work.

It was a stark contrast from someone like Greg who scrambled to get an outfit together, often a combination of fresh laundry and something picked up off the floor before he scurried off to the lab. Greg had changed a lot in the month since the explosion though.  He was a lot more deliberate and thoughtful now. He guessed that being blown to smithereens had a way of changing a person forever.

But those things weren't important now, not when there was a different burning in his body caused by Nick's hands. From his head to his scars to every inch of his long legs, nothing was left untouched by Nick. Greg found it slightly aggravating how cautious the older man was being because Greg was used to playing rough and could hang with the best of them.

That's probably what compelled Greg to rip off Nick’s shirt in a moment of fury.

”Oops.”

”Just a shirt.”

Nick didn't want to waste any more time as he pressed his body closer to Greg's, eliciting a noise of celebration from the blonde.

He was in Nick's space, a sacred place few had ever been given the permission to experience. And not only was Greg allowed in Nick's kingdom, he was throwing Greg around like a lion playing with his food.

”Nick—” Greg hastily tore his lips from Nick, making the older man stare at him with concern. ”We don't have to do this if you're not ready.”

”Do I look unready to you?” Nick accused, wiggling off his pants and tearing off Greg's shirt an act of passion.

Greg smirked as he reached down between them and took his own pants off, grinding upwards into Nick's body. Nick moaned and buried his head into Greg's neck. They aggressively fought for dominance until Nick finally pinned Greg to the bed, almost as if he was trying to prove a point. Lucky for Greg, he didn't mind being dominated. Nick then slid down Greg's body and playfully ripped off his boxers with his teeth, achieving a well deserved gasp from the slender man. Greg barely had time to adjust before Nick consumed him, licking him like Greg was the most delicious dessert in the world. And to Nick, he truly was. Instantly Greg's eyes rolled to the back of his head as he barbarically gripped pieces of Nick's hair between his fingers. Nick groaned enthusiastically and released Greg to venture even lower on his body. That's when Greg bucked like a stallion, spreading his legs to allow Nick entry.

Nick's tongue was working itself in the most compelling way, his tact making the intimate gesture feel even more private—like he had been saving this for Greg and only Greg. Greg had never expected Nick to do this with anyone, let alone with him. 

”Nick...”

Greg's response was cut short by Nick diving deeper. He threw his head back for a second time, hooking his arms against the headboard for support so that Greg didn't just straight up black out. Soon he could feel the pressure of Nick lining himself up and silently begging for access. In no time Greg gave him the green light and they both felt Nick break the tension between them with one swift motion. Nick entered Greg slowly and held the position once they were connected, driving the blonde absolutely insane. Wrapping muscular legs around Nick to bring him closer, Greg caught the older man off guard and almost made him fall over.

They stayed in that position for what felt like an eternity until Nick suddenly grabbed Greg’s ass.

”You wanna get on top baby?”

Greg obediently flipped Nick onto his back as he nestled himself between Nick's legs. He leaned forward for a kiss and skillfully lowered himself onto Nick, causing the older man to howl in ecstasy. Nick couldn't believe how perfectly he fit inside Greg, as if they were puzzle pieces to a completed masterpiece. Greg then gripped himself with one hand and bounced his hips against Nick's lap, making the Texan nearly lose it right then and there. His body stiffened as he continued to ride Nick, allowing the other man's hands  to roam freely over Greg's chest.

It wasn't long before Nick felt something warm across his own chest, in addition to Greg’s movements slowing down. When he realized what happened, Nick quickly thrust into Greg until he finally tensed and relaxed himself. Nick unconsciously dug into Greg one last time as if to claim him, and reluctantly left the warmth he’d grown so accustomed to in their short time together.  


“Hmp.” Greg whined, disliking the heat leaving his body.

Nick sighed in satisfaction and dragged Greg back into his arms for a kiss before passing out.


	3. Chapter 3

"Is it true you were a cop?"

"Excuse me?"

"At the Las Vegas Crime Lab."

Greg's hands started shaking from their position on the whiteboard.

"Don't think that's appropriate conversation for this class, Erica."

"You told us your door was always open."

"Yeah, for school related things."

"It _is_ relative. The lab blew up from a chemical reaction, right? Is that why you're here now?"

The thumping in his heart grew louder by the second and Greg prayed that the students couldn't hear it. 

"Sorry Mr. Sanders, what Erica means is we think it's kinda cool."

"Trust me, there's nothing cool about being blown up."

"How can you expect us to trust you if you can't trust us? You're a new professor here with no ratings."

Greg knew it was time to face the music. The lab explosion had been big enough to make local headlines and almost put the county's credibility at risk, so it shouldn't have been surprising that somebody found out about it. Especially in a digital age where everything was online, on display for the world to see. And since Greg no longer worked at the lab, he didn't see much of a reason to hold back anymore.

"...Wasn't a cop, I was a DNA analyst. Used to teach back in San Francisco though, where I got my PhD at _STANFORD_."

Students in the front row mocked Greg's Ivy League revelation, though they were also genuinely impressed. He felt like a show-pony again, having to defend his credentials to everyone.

"You don't look like you were blown up. And I mean that as a compliment."

Another student angrily elbowed Erica to silence her; Greg chuckling at the exchange.

"I was very fortunate. Look, I like being here and I love teaching chemistry so you don't have to worry. You're getting my A-game."

"We think you're rad, Mr. Sanders."

"Yeah, we all saw the story about the lab on the news. You're kinda famous around here."

Greg rolled his eyes but couldn't deny feeling a bit of pride swelling in his previously tightened chest. Maybe this is what reality show stars felt like, something he secretly strived to be.

"If the Sanders fan club meeting is adjourned, I'd like to get back to alkanes now. Okay?"

Laughter erupted, finally breaking the tension in the room. Greg felt like he had been thrown into the lion's den without a weapon, but it felt liberating to no longer hide from his past.

———

' _come over?_ '

' _Can't. Working a triple. ☹️_ '

' _k no worries_ '

Greg tossed his phone on the floor and curled up to his large bay window. Besides the price, Greg rented in this part of town because of the big windows in the apartments. It reminded him fondly of lazy California summers, surfing and drinking beers with friends on the beach. Of laying around his family's house with the smell of Norwegian desserts wafting through the abode; curling up in front of spacious windows to catch the sun. Things weren't quite the same back in Vegas, but the windows at his place sort of made Greg feel like he was home. Nick also made him feel like he had found a home, but he was busy working his umpteenth triple. Most likely it was a messed up case, making Greg wonder why he still had an itch to become a CSI when the job spelled danger in bright neon letters.

He was drinking his third beer in a row when he noticed it happening again. _The shaking_. Greg immediately slapped one hand on top of the other in an attempt to cut it off, but he could still feel the micro-vibrations exuding from his nerves. Without another thought, he took out the secret stash of green he'd hidden in a carved out book underneath some pillows. Rolling himself up a small spliff, he lit one end and traveled to another place and time.

Right now it was his only solace in a lonely world, and for just a moment, it made the shaking stop. Grissom had once told him that eventually things would go back to normal, but he had yet to see that happen. Usually he always believed in Grissom's words, but this was the one case where Greg thought he might be wrong. He wished Nick was here to talk to him or hold him until his world stopped spinning but Greg just continued to fall deeper underwater. He was drowning, and there was nothing he could do to save himself.

Some day Greg would learn to deal with his emotions, but today was not the day. Today, Greg buried his head between his knees and allowed himself to cry.

———

"Talk to Greg yet?"

"Not yet."

"Are you gonna?"

Nick rolled his eyes at Sara while he looked through a stack of reports.

"I don't wanna bombard him. He's dealing with a lot right now."

"What if he never comes back?"

"That's his choice, Sara."

"Nick, you know he wants to be a CSI. The longer he waits the more he's going to have to train. It's better to get him on while he's still fresh in Grissom's mind."

"What if I'm not sure I want him to be a CSI? It's dangerous, way more dangerous than the lab."

"He can't live in a box his whole life."

Nick's posture switched to something much more hostile, but Sara was relentless with her own body language.

"Why don't we leave the decision to Greg? There's enough work for us to focus on right now...like those prints. Any updates?"

"Not yet, but I was about to go visit Jacqui."

"Let's go together."

Nick was relieved when Sara dropped the subject for the remainder of the day, as he didn't want to think about why he was ignoring Greg. He wanted Greg to live out his CSI dreams, but for the first time in his life, Nick was conflicted on helping Greg make it happen. Now that they were dating, he felt a great sense of responsibility for the younger man. At any point a perpetrator could have it out for Greg, or worse, and Nick wasn't sure if he was ready for that yet. He knew it was a bad idea getting involved with a coworker, but Nick had to admit that this was something he had wanted for at least a year. The thought of losing it all weighed heavily on his heart.

———

A few days passed since the last time Greg heard from Nick, and he was beginning to worry. He knew Nick was busy with work (like always), but it was unlike him not to even text. Greg suspected Nick was dealing with a tough case, possibly one involving children for him to go completely dark. Or maybe Nick just wanted to back out of...whatever they were doing. They'd never discussed exactly what it was because Greg never felt the need. However Greg was starting to feel stupid; used. He'd made the mistake of sleeping with someone too fast, but had been so sure that Nick wasn't that type of person—Greg had been wrong before though.

Before he could talk himself out of it, Greg's fingers began to text Nick on their own.

' _hey?_ '

Greg was starting his daunting task of grading papers when his phone went off.

' _What's up?_ '

Greg cringed at how callous Nick sounded, even from the context of a text.

' _everything ok? haven't heard from u in awhile_ '

' _Yeah just been busy_ '

' _k_ '

' _???_ '

' _nvm_ '

Wiping his eyes with a sleeve, Greg set his red pen down to stifle some oncoming sniffs. He had promised himself he'd never let another guy break his heart, but here he was again. All alone and ditched on the side of the road like a mutt no one wanted.

' _Can I come by later Greg? We need to talk_ '

Then, the most dreaded words he could ever receive floated on his screen. 

' _it's k. no need 2 talk bout it_ '

' _What?_ '

' _i get it, it's over_ '

' _Greg that's not what I wanted to talk about_ '

' _what then?_ '

' _It's better if we talk in person. Can I come by after work?_ '

Greg wanted to say no, but he preferred ripping the bandaid off as soon as possible.

' _i guess_ '

' _Cool, see you later. I'll bring dinner. Thai ok?_ '

' _whatever_ '

———

Greg had been unable to do anything but count down the hours until Nick arrived. He'd gone from grading papers to biting his nails down to the skin, to crying on the couch by himself. A knock on the door sent Greg's heart into his stomach as he dragged his feet to answer it. Once he opened the door, a very uncomfortable looking Nick was on the other side with a bag in his hands. He offered a hopeful smile that Greg ignored. Greg backed up and made space for Nick to enter, both doing an intricate dance to not intrude on each other's space. Eventually Nick leaned forward to kiss him, only to have Greg recoil in disgust.

"Everything all right?"

"Yep."

"Then why are you dodging me?"

"Nick, just cut to the chase. What's going on?"

The older man placed the Thai food gingerly on the kitchen island and took a deep breath. He knew Sara was right, Nick couldn't avoid the subject any longer.

"Nothing. I wanted to talk to you about...your job. How do you like it so far?"

"Why?"

As he continued, Nick rummaged around the kitchen anxiously searching for plates. Greg quickly swatted him away as he made the effort the prepare the glassware for them. Nick instead busied himself by taking out the food from the bag in an effort to find the courage to speak again, though it wasn't really helping.

"Nothing bad. I guess I want to know if you still wanna be a CSI?"

Greg took a deep breath, but Nick couldn't tell if it was out of relief or anguish.

"Don't know. Haven't thought about it much I guess."

It wasn't a complete lie, but ever since Greg started working at UNLV, he'd wanted less and less to be out in the field. He had grown used to the comfortable campus walls and making a difference in the lives of his students.

"They want you to apply. Not that there's a time limit or anything, but the sooner the better. To be honest I don't know how I feel about you being out in the field."

"What does that mean?"

"I just...care about you a lot." Nick walked closer to Greg, embracing the younger man lovingly. "You being a CSI worries me."

He had to fight back a smile even though he was offended at the same time.

"Is that why you've been ignoring me?"

"No. Not on purpose. I really have been busy, but I also wasn't looking forward to having this conversation."

Nick brushed a few pieces of hair out of Greg's face and placed a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth. Greg returned the affection and deepened the kiss, gripping Nick's hair like the first time they had been intimate together. 

"Why couldn't you just talk to me about it? You made me think something was wrong."

"Sorry, G. Not the type of person to talk about my feelings."

"If we're gonna make this work, you _have_ to talk to me."

"What exactly is this?"

"I don't know, what is it to you?"

Nick held onto Greg tighter, wrapping his arms around the blonde with adoration.

"Not sure, but I'd like it to be something real."

"Well I'd really like for you to talk to me next time something's bothering you."

"Fair enough. You hungry?"

"Yeah, but not for Thai. I'm feelin' Texan actually." Greg said with a smirk and a twinkle in his eye.

He was holding onto Nick like he'd disappear if Greg let him go, and that might have been true.


End file.
